Una persona llegó a mi consulta y lo primero que me dijo fue eso: no puedo decirle que no a mi pareja.
Este es un tema que me parece súper importante y que trabajo en terapia.
Una mala comunicación tiene una serie de consecuencias, entre ellas el limitar a exponer nuestro punto de vista, poner límites, entre otras. Sin embargo considero que una de las peores consecuencias que puede tener es que podemos dejar de ser nosotros mismos con nuestra pareja y esto es catastrófico.
Una pareja saludable implica tener libertad de ser quienes somos, no moldearnos a lo que le gusta o espera la otra persona.
Es que en ese caso, ¿le gustas tú? o la idea que tiene de una pareja? O quiere convertirte a ti en lo que espera de una pareja?
Cosa que también ocurre con más frecuencia de lo que me gustaría ver a diario.
Una vez una paciente me comentó «mi pareja me ha dicho que no tengo que dar mi opinión y menos si es contraria a lo que están diciendo en el grupo» y eso me dejó mucho que pensar la verdad. me preguntó que qué pensaba yo al respecto y por supuesto mi opinión no es la importante aquí. Lo importante es que te hace sentir cuando te dice eso?
Al final el limitarnos y no decir lo que pensamos, sentimos, creemos y queremos nos invita a cuestionarnos , quiénes somos cuando estamos con nuestra pareja?
Y la pregunta es, qué pasaría si digo lo que pienso ? Y a veces puede no hacerse por el miedo justo a esa posible consecuencia.
Que se moleste? Que se decepcione? Que no le guste tu opinión? O quizás pienses que eres una persona conflictiva?
Otra pregunta… si llegase a ser así, ¿por qué estarías con alguien que piensa eso de ti?
A Veces la tendencia a complacer al otro, hace que las personas adopten posturas que no son necesariamente acorde consigo mismas. Lo cual suele generar un conflicto interno, a costa de no tener un conflicto con la pareja.
A veces incluso el propio miedo ya no sólo a que piensen mal de nosotros sino también al miedo a la idea de una posible pérdida.
La dificultad de no sentir esa libertad de expresión dentro de una relación nos da más señales de nosotros mismos que lo que creemos y por supuesto de lo funcional y satisfactoria que realmente es la relación y posiblemente esto último sea bastante poco.
Pensemos entonces, ¿qué ganas cada vez que te callas? Cada vez que accedes a cosas que realmente no quieres? O incluso, te pregunto, ¿has llegado a cambiar de opinión por complacer a tu pareja?
Te invito a que profundices en eso y por supuesto, si consideras que necesitas trabajarlo, estoy aquí para ti.
Hablamos?
37 comentarios en “«No puedo decirle que no a mi pareja»”
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