Se ha romantizado mucho la maternidad convirtiéndola en una cárcel en la que somos servimos para, donde no se nos permite salirnos ni un poco del rol, como si dejáramos ser ser quienes somos, como si dejáramos de ser personas.
No nos podemos quejar, se supone que tenemos que estar felices porque es lo más maravilloso de la vida, porque ser madre es un privilegio y hemos pasado de ser Fulanita a ser la madre de XX ¿te has parado a pensar cuánto afecta esto a la propia autoestima e incluso a la identidad?
Si pedimos ayuda somos malas, no somos capaces o nos lo tuvimos que pensar antes? Y la realidad no es así ni tendría por qué serlo.
Somos madres si, pero también seres individuales, trabajadoras, parejas, amigas y familiares de otros.
A que no te sentirías bien si solo cuidaras de un familiar o solo trabajaras sin descanso? Yo también creo que no.
Y justo esto es lo que trabajo con las madres que acuden a mi consulta, los permisos que nos damos.
¿Te has planteado qué modelo quieres enseñarles a tus hijos? Es fácil.
Si quieres ver a tus hijos ser felices, te tendrán que ver feliz a ti y eso se logra a través de los espacios para descansar, desconectar, recrearnos, sentirnos a gusto con nosotras mismas, cuando tenemos metas e ilusiones, cuando tenemos energía y no al revés, si te ven triste molesta o agobiada no esperes que ellos no se muestren igual.
¿Quieres que tus hijos aprendan a relacionarse con los demás? Te tendrán que ver hacerlo y que les permitas que otros estén con ellos. Pedir «ayuda» a los abuelos o tíos o incluso al padre no es una ayuda real, es que ellos también cumplen un rol en la vida de tus hijos, vamos a permitir que estén y que sean parte de ello. No pedir ayuda no es sinónimo de que podemos con todo, es contraproducente para todas las partes implicadas.
«No quiero molestarles» «no quiero que mis hijos sean una carga para ellos» este tipo de comentarios que escucho habitualmente en consulta habla más de ti que de ellos, vamos a revisar de dónde viene ese pensamiento. Será que tú sientes que molestas?
Incluso muchas veces el permiso no está en el otro, todo lo contrario, muchas veces los demás están más dispuestos en cumplir su papel de lo que creemos, quizás es que como madres no nos lo damos nosotras.
Tus hijos te necesitan SI y mucho, justo por eso, necesitan que estés bien!
Necesitan que le ofrezcas tiempo de calidad, no que estés en una prisión, necesitan que tengas energía, así que descansa, necesitan verte disfrutar de la vida, cuánto la disfrutas y de qué manera? Necesitan verte comer, verte autónoma, segura y realizada, sólo así podremos ofrecerles lo que tanto requieren y fundar una relación saludable con ellos.
Recuperarte a ti misma, eso es lo que necesitan! Para ellos busquemos un equilibrio entre las áreas de tu vida. Todas son importantes!
Tú eres lo más importante para ellos!
29 comentarios en “Mamá, ¿qué modelo quieres para tus hijos?”
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